Cotton Candy, Pizza and Beer
by silvercross
Summary: A prequel to Mask. Was Hiro really in love with Ayaka-chan? Or...... ^.~! Warning! Spoiler for episode 10. Angst + Yaoi. Hmmnn.. a dangerous combination. ^.~!
1. omae.. ga.. suki da... ore no tenshi...

This is just one of my frivolous attempts in writing a fic... . tsk, tsk! Anyways, this is supposed to be the prequel to Mask and I hope it would turn out better than my previous grav fic. and yeah.. this wouldn't be just Hiro angsting.. that's why it's a prequel.. it's supposed to explain why Hiro felt such in Mask. Well something must have happened before that ne?  
  
Umm, another thing. This fic may contain some spoilers in the later episodes of grav (episode 10 actually).. mostly about Yuki, Shuuichi and Hiro. It's set at the time when Hiro decided to quit Bad Luck after he saw on tv Yuki's declaration (about him and Shuuichi being lovers). It's angst/drama again and maybe a lil humor (knowing Shuuichi's stupidity and genki-ness a dangerous combination tsk!). Yah, from Hiro's POV again.. but there will be dialogues this time. wai!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Yuki(Uesugi and not Kitazawa), Ryuichi and Hiro are mine. O_ov... Hyeah.. I wish .! everything.. I repeat.. everything belongs to Maki Murakami except my story of course.. and well my *dreams* ^.~! whoo! whoo!--that's supposedly a whistle--  
  
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"LA-LI-HO!!!"  
  
  
  
Big bluish-purple eyes.  
  
  
  
Pink hair.  
  
  
  
Beaming smile.  
  
  
  
The loudest, most annoying voice.  
  
  
  
The almost impossible genki-ness.  
  
  
  
I never get tired of them.  
  
  
  
Never get tired of seeing /him/.  
  
  
  
Of smiling at him.  
  
  
  
Teasing him.  
  
  
  
Telling him how stupid he is.  
  
  
  
Comforting him.  
  
  
  
Being.. with him.  
  
  
  
Like I always do.  
  
  
  
But longing for him.. it's draining me.  
  
  
  
Crushing me.  
  
  
  
Suffocating me.  
  
  
  
It's melting my barrier.  
  
  
  
But I will hold back.  
  
  
  
For now.. yes...  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cotton Candy, Pizza and Beer  
  
by silvercross  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
It's over.  
  
  
  
Just like that.  
  
  
  
I knew I shouldn't have done it. But Bad Luck doesn't deserve people like me. /You/ don't deserve people like me. When I saw it on tv, I figured that this is my only option. Quitting.  
  
  
  
Hn. You must think I'm a perfect idiot. I know.. this is the loser's option, but what am I to do? Tell me Shuuichi.. I want to hear it from you.  
  
  
  
Gomen, but somehow, I don't think I'm needed. I don't think you need me. Not when you have him. You're always too happy to take whatever alms that bastard gives you. Gomen, Shuuichi. But I still don't understand.  
  
  
  
Ding dong. The bell. Should I open it? Although I know who that'll be. I can hear your eardrum-shattering voice from here. With that loudness I doubt you would be able to sneak up on someone. Hn. Funny how things never change... how people never change. I know what you came here for.. but I'll doubt you'll be able to change my mind.  
  
  
  
Maybe I should tell you now. Maybe it's the time to show you the real Hiroshi. I wonder if I can do that. I wonder if I can peel myself naked in front of you... show you everything you need to see.. everything you need to know.  
  
  
  
I chose to open the door.  
  
  
  
"Mou, Hiro.. what took you so long?!" The loud, tenor voice filled my apartment.  
  
  
  
"I was ringing and shouting for ten whole minutes!" I smiled faintly. The ever-pouting Shuuichi. You are really cute when you're annoyed.  
  
  
  
"Ah, gomen Shuuichi.." I'm starting to get used to that line. "I was.. well, I was thinking about some stuff and I didn't hear you." Or maybe I /didn't/ want to.  
  
  
  
I must say it's quite a shock, seeing you looking suddenly dead serious. It's just not like you angel.  
  
  
  
"Ne.. Hiro.. is it true? I-I mean, are you really gonna quit?"  
  
  
  
You're voice is faltering, koi. Funny, I /can/ call you that. But I /may/ not. Well at least in my mind I can.. I may. And no friggin' bastard can stop me.  
  
  
  
"Aa." How simple.  
  
  
  
"D-demo.. doushite?! Doushite Hiro?! Didn't we promise each other that we'll do this together?!"  
  
  
  
/Together/. I want to be with you Shuuichi. Really, I do. But not like what you're thinking.  
  
  
  
"We're not children anymore..."  
  
  
  
If only I told you back then. Maybe I still had a chance...  
  
  
  
"..If it's you, you will do just fine with Fujisaki."  
  
  
  
..maybe I'm the one with you now.  
  
  
  
"W..What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
  
  
You still don't understand do you, angel?  
  
  
  
"I've thought about it." I had to lie.  
  
  
  
"I don't think I'd like to do music for a living after all."  
  
  
  
Hiro you liar.  
  
  
  
"B..But we just started! How can you know that already?!"  
  
  
  
You don't _understand_.  
  
  
  
"What I meant was..."  
  
  
  
Liar.  
  
  
  
"...thinking about it so seriously isn't me after all."  
  
  
  
Sorry angel.. but I had to.  
  
  
  
"But.. i--it.. it can't be.. without you.. it can't be without you Hiro! Bad Luck needs you! We need you! I... I need you Hiro.."  
  
  
  
You need me? Shock times two.  
  
  
  
"W..when.. whenever I lose my confidence.. you're always there Hiro. You always support me.. help me stand up again despite my stupidity. You told me 'You're the best vocalist in Japan so cheer up!' And you always smile at me and tell me everything's fine.. that everything'll be okay.. that's why-- -"  
  
  
  
My smile. I'm glad it helped you somehow. But it's not me. I cut him off. "It's Yuki-san."  
  
  
  
You're shocked, I can tell. But I'm not surprised. "The one who made you stood up wasn't me... it was Yuki-san." I kept my eyes on the ground. "You don't need someone like me to do well."  
  
  
  
After crushing the burnt-out stick on the ash tray, I stood up. I don't want you to see my face. My barrier is melting... and I resist the urge to just grab you and kiss you. Then and there. I want to hold you, Shuuichi. Badly. If only I could. If only I /may/.  
  
  
  
I walked towards the cabinet. Facing it. Hiding from you're curious eyes. From your freezing gaze. They're burning me. I refuse to be burned and freezed on the spot.  
  
  
  
I started. "I... I guess I got jealous of him somewhere along the way. I've been just pretending to be a friend, but..." I paused. "..I'm in love after all."  
  
  
  
There.. I've said it. How do you feel Shuuichi? I'm guessing you feel fuckingly awkward right now. I don't need to see you to know how embarrassed you looked. Why, Shuuichi? Was it that horrible? Knowing your /bestfriend/ loved you more than what was expected? Was it so wrong of me? How come it felt so right?  
  
  
  
Answers. I need answers. But I never asked you out loud. I may never will.  
  
  
  
"Eh? That's... a little awkward. W..We are very good friends.. and I'm happy that you feel that way but..."  
  
  
  
I know that Shuuichi. I know that very well. I guess this isn't the time. Even from here I could sense your discomfort. You're not ready for this. You're not ready to /see/ me. I'm half-naked in front of you. But I'll stop it from here. For your sake.  
  
  
  
"She is crazy about Yuki-san..." My biggest lie.  
  
"...even after she canceled their engagement."  
  
  
  
Suffocating.  
  
  
  
"The one you like is..."  
  
  
  
No.  
  
  
  
"... Ayaka-chan?"  
  
  
  
I_love_you. I love you Shuuichi.. so much... so damn much. Why can't you see it? Why can't you feel it?  
  
  
  
"Maaa.. ehehehe... I guess I was mistaken. Demo, Hiro, if ever... if ever you change your mind.. you know where to find me. Goodluck.. about Ayaka- chan I mean."  
  
  
  
I love you Shuuichi.  
  
  
  
"Ummn.."  
  
  
  
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou...  
  
  
  
"..Ja Hiro! Please--"  
  
  
  
IloveyouIloveyou......ILOVEYOU.  
  
  
  
"---take care of yourself..."  
  
  
  
You can kill me right now and I'll still love you.  
  
  
  
"... bye."  
  
  
  
I was mistaken. You already killed me. Several times. And now you left me.. without knowing. You're so fucking oblivious. But I can't hate you.  
  
  
  
Not when you own me.  
  
  
  
**~**~**~**~**~**~**  
  
  
  
The tv.  
  
  
  
It's so fucking loud.  
  
  
  
I pulled the plug off.  
  
  
  
Nothing but crap anyways.  
  
  
  
Just about us.. about me... quitting.  
  
  
  
Like a loser.  
  
  
  
I am crap.  
  
  
  
Congratulations, Yuki-san.  
  
  
  
You won.  
  
  
  
You get the prize.  
  
  
  
You get him.  
  
  
  
No.. you already got him.  
  
  
  
He was always yours.  
  
  
  
Always.  
  
  
  
Someone's ringing again. It can't be Shuuichi. The presscon is about to start. Although with him, nothing seems impossible. That's why I love him so much.  
  
  
  
I opened it anyways. Someone I wasn't expecting appeared before me.  
  
  
  
"A.. Ayaka-chan!"  
  
  
  
So she heard.  
  
  
  
"Is it true that you're quitting Bad Luck?"  
  
  
  
Questions. So many questions. I'm tired of answering them. They're all the same.  
  
  
  
"I've heard everything from Eiri-san."  
  
  
  
Ah.. so you heard it from him.  
  
  
  
"Well, as a matter of fact, Shindou-san told Eiri-san..."  
  
  
  
Hn. Shuuichi. Always the loud-mouth.  
  
  
  
"...and Eiri-san came to deliver the information to me."  
  
  
  
So the bastard has some use after all.. besides making people feel so fucking bad.. and letting them fuck themselves up for him. Shuuichi especially.  
  
  
  
She looked at me like she knows everything. Her knowing eyes.. piercing me.  
  
  
  
But she doesn't know anything.  
  
  
  
"Please don't quit."  
  
  
  
It's not that easy.  
  
  
  
"I'm begging you...."  
  
  
  
Tempting. But no.  
  
  
  
"...please don't quit Bad Luck."  
  
  
  
There's no turning back now. I'm sorry.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry, Ayaka-chan. But I've already made my decision."  
  
  
  
For Shuuichi... for me.. this is the best. So now... so now I'm letting him g--  
  
  
  
"Nakano-san, you're in love with me, aren't you?"  
  
  
  
What?  
  
  
  
Surely I'm mistaken. Did she just say...  
  
  
  
"I.. If Bad Luck can sell a million albums..."  
  
  
  
Oh. I think I get the picture.  
  
  
  
"..I will date you."  
  
  
  
So me quitting wasn't the only thing she heard. I didn't know how a lie could affect everything.  
  
  
  
Until now.  
  
  
  
"I'm not doing this because Eiri-san asked me to... i--it must be, in order to break up with him.."  
  
  
  
Yuki-san.. you selfish, self-absorbed bastard. How come you can own anyone just like that? Torturing Shuuichi.. torturing this girl... I knew you're no good.  
  
  
  
But I really wished he chose her...  
  
  
  
...instead of my pink-haired angel.  
  
  
  
I looked at her. I can feel her pain... her longing. Somehow, we're the same.  
  
  
  
"Ayaka-chan." I chose to pretend. Again.  
  
  
  
This time... for her.  
  
  
  
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*whew* angst overload!  
  
waddaya think? should i continue? should i write another chapter?  
  
feedback please? 


	2. itsuka.... oretachi.... isshouni...

yay! finished the second chapter! same spoilers and warnings.  
  
disclaimer: again.. not mine. maki murakami's. get the picture? ^.~!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cotton Candy, Pizza and Beer  
  
by silvercross  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
----------  
  
Chapter 2  
  
----------  
  
I was running like hell.  
  
When I rushed out of my apartment, I couldn't recall. I had to get there fast.. had to get to him fast.  
  
Before it's too late.  
  
It's my fault anyways. I shouldn't go telling lies like that.  
  
Deceiving him. Deceiving her. Deceiving everyone.  
  
But I chose this right? So I have to go with this.... this false reality I've created.  
  
Whether I like it or not.  
  
I finally reached my destination. This hotel has so many goddamn floors. The door that will turn my life around is now in front me. Waiting to be opened.  
  
I was about to turn the knob when I heard my angel's voice. It was enough to stop me.  
  
"... As a matter of fact today... I was going to announce Hiro's retirement from Bad Luck..."  
  
Was? From outside, I laughed. Shuuichi no baka. That was something expected from him.  
  
I listened to him. I want to know what he thinks of me. Of us.  
  
".. but I don't want to after all!"  
  
I was laughing really hard now. I can almost see Fujisaki-kun's dumbfounded face and Sakano-san's anguished scream of protest from here. Knowing Sakano-san and calculating the intensity of that scream, there's probably a flood of tears already forming there.  
  
I stopped laughing and shrugged my thoughts off as I listen to my angel continue.  
  
"You see.. Hiro and I have worked together since highschool to be like Nittle Grasper.."  
  
Hn. True. Go on angel.  
  
"... Hiro and I are like a plum and it's pit.. coffee and cream.. like knee socks and sandals..."  
  
I remained stiff, listening. My eyes were closed, my back against the cold wall of the hotel. I don't know whether to cry or to laugh. I was probably doing both.  
  
".. You see, even for our festival during Highschool.."  
  
He is totally off-topic now. But I don't care. I want to hear his /heart/. I want to /feel/ him. Tell us more Shuuichi. Tell me more.  
  
".. I was always so lazy, so I was throwing together the song at the last minute.."  
  
That's him.  
  
".. And then I was on a date and didn't make it in time for the song.."  
  
That's the person I /love/ so much.  
  
".. And then I suddenly started singing 'Furusato' in the middle of it.."  
  
My angel.  
  
"... Ah.. 'Furusato' is like..."  
  
My /bestfriend/.  
  
".. Usagi oishii kano yama... ehehe that's the song.."  
  
Fujisaku-kun... I bet he was beyond dumbfounded now. And Sakano-san.. well.. ready to commit harakiri.  
  
I can hear laughter. The press people. Knowing Shuuichi's charisma, it wasn't that impossible.  
  
"But my mind's changed over time.. and now rather than trying to be like Nittle Grasper... I have started wanting to go beyond Nittle Grasper..."  
  
I doubt he'll be able to squeeze me in. One minute, it's about me. Next, he's talking about himself. You're a difficult guy to understand, angel. But I love you, nevertheless.  
  
"... I can't be another Sakuma-san like I thought... So I lost confidence in myself... "  
  
Even Fujisaki-kun's ready to commit harakiri now. I wish I'd seen the look on his face.  
  
Genki-ness was overflowing here and there. You're drowning them angel.  
  
"But wait a minute.. that's just natural! That's why I should try hard not to lose.. I thought... a..and thinking in that way might be good.. that's what I thought... and.. "  
  
So... off-topic.  
  
".. That's why I need Hiro!"  
  
Explain. In normal speed please, angel.  
  
"... It's not possible without Hiro! With Hiro we can surpass Nittle Grasper!"  
  
So that's /it/.  
  
No.. that /was/ it all this time.  
  
".. Because..."  
  
I can still hear Sakano-san wailing in agony. Maybe K-san would shut him up. Fujisaki-kun.. from wanting to commit harakiri.. was probably ready to throttle Shuuichi to death. And me......  
  
I'm _dying_.  
  
/Again/.  
  
Because what Shuuichi? Give us a good reason.  
  
Give me a good reason.  
  
".. because Nittle Grasper doesn't have a guitarist!!!!!!"  
  
So simple. But it felt like a thousand knives... burying deeper within me. Making holes out of me.  
  
Was that /it/ angel?  
  
"So... come back Hiro.. ne?"  
  
Hn. You have to run now angel. The next scene's gonna get ugly. With Fujisaki-kun hot on his heels, I doubt you'll be able to withstand his wrath.  
  
"What kind of unreasonable reason is that?!?! Don't you have anything like friendship or a more intimate reason?!?!?" Uh-oh.  
  
I told you to run angel. Well, at least mentally. But somehow... Fujisaki-kun is right. How about a more intimate reason Shuuichi? Am I not worthy of a better one?  
  
"What?! But I don't want to do this without Hiro!"  
  
Hn. Wakatta.  
  
It's crystal clear now.  
  
I'm forever doomed in my fate.. as /bestfriend/.  
  
As my angel's /bestfriend/.  
  
"That's not gonna make Nakano-san come back! Are you stupid?!?!?"  
  
You're somewhat right in that point, Fujisaki-kun. But I'll still come back... not because of what my angel said... but because I need to.  
  
Because I have to.  
  
And maybe... in some way... I /want/ to.  
  
Because.. because... maybe.. somehow.. I'm still hoping.. still longing for that day my angel can finally /see/ me. And I shall live to see that day. I promise.  
  
I opened the door. Stunned faces greeted me. Hiro is back, minna. In full color. In full armor. In full /fabrication/. Never to crumble until that day.  
  
I acted as if I just came. Panting like a horse, I voiced out my scripted lines.  
  
"Oi! I have to say I agree."  
  
More baffled looks came my way. I looked up. At him. At my angel. "I agree completely."  
  
You're even cuter when you're shocked. Maybe I should do that more often.  
  
".. Hiro."  
  
Your voice. Your round face. Your striking, pink hair. Your dough-like, bluish-purple eyes. Everything... everything about you... just makes my heart stop. God, I missed them so much.  
  
I smiled at you. Hoping it would go through.  
  
Silence. Exchanged glances. It lasted for I don't know how long.  
  
I finally had the courage to approach you... to embrace you. So tight...  
  
"Friend!" We chorused. Although my heart is screaming a different word. But for now I don't care. If only we could just stay like this.. forever. If only I could stop time...  
  
But reality was harsh.  
  
"Your dream is my dream." I uttered.  
  
"Your dream is my dream too!" I wish so too.  
  
But it's only half true.  
  
"Let's try our best for a million copies!" We chorused again.  
  
Your gaze.. so.. innocent. Yet they seem to bore into me.  
  
I smiled at you. This time, a real one.  
  
"My friend!" We hugged again. Like it was our last. I can die right now and I'll still be happy. I'm holding you in my arms. Even if it's for friendship.. now, it seemed enough. I want this moment to last forever.  
  
Our moment.. my angel.  
  
Ours and ours only.  
  
But that's just.. not possible.  
  
"Yes, yes. One million or two million, just work hard together." Fujisaki-kun mouthed in surrender.  
  
Shuuichi and I entangled ourselves and scowled at him. Shuuichi's deadly when enraged. I am myself.  
  
"First of all it's one million!!!"  
  
Dagger looks and razor sharp teeth works well.  
  
"Ack! OK it's one million! One million!" Fujisaki-kun uttered in an instant.  
  
/Together/. My angel and I... together again. Not in love...  
  
"That's RIGHT! One million copies is our GOAL!!!"  
  
.. but in friendship.  
  
It hurts like hell.  
  
But I'll always be yours angel.  
  
Always.  
  
**~**~**~**~**~**  
  
Everything should be back to normal again... or at least close to that. Now, I'm faced with another life of feigning... pretending to be in love with someone else.  
  
Pretending.  
  
If only words could kill.  
  
I don't know how long.  
  
But if my angel's happy, I am.. or at least I'll try to.  
  
Until that day.  
  
I hope I can.  
  
I hope... I will.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
owari^.~!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
wai! finished at last! dou datta? does it suck? O_ov... i hope you liked it at least!  
  
feedback onegai?! 


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